Gettin Luckee At Buc-ees

In the week after the election I was stranded for 3 hrs at Buc-cee’s. I rented a car and when they pulled it around the car was running and I hopped in and took off. About halfway through my 6hr roadtrip I pulled over for a break and realized that the key wasn’t in the car.

Customer service nightmares aside, a rep from the location was on their way and I would just have to wait. In the moment when I realized what had happened I felt so overwhelmed. It was like all the frustration ad powerlessness and injustice of the world at this moment was flooding in. I felt like something viscerally bad had happened to me, that maybe this was some sign of the world moving deeper into a terrible place.

One of the things I’ve been working on in my personal healing is releasing this guard I’ve had throughout my life that even if good happens there will always be an equal or worse bad to follow. Over and over again in my life I had bolstered myself with emotional and spiritual strongholds to ensure that when shit hit the fan I wouldn’t be the idiot caught off guard. Misanthropic, nihilistic and numb I have had a hard time believing that there is a solid note of good and love in the world. And I’ve been working on it, trying to believe that “good things happen” and that the depth of love is more powerful than the fear and hate that exists.

So, as I sat in the parking lot in a state of powerless shock I began to spin out. The week leading up had been rough. I consider myself a progressive leftist, with values more aligned to systems not yet tested or seen in the world. Systems of mutual care, of collective power, healing and accountability. The presidential election here in the US was a shitshow and neither candidate spoke to my values or desired outcome. Still, I was deeply hurt by the popular choice. By the callous disregard of so many people to those who will be immediately negatively impacted. By the powerlessness I felt to help enact change, by the notion that maybe I am more alone than I thought. I was stranded, alone, powerless in the middle of a bright red state, and no one cared. I was a kid again.

But I’m not a kid. And I’m not alone. And I realistically couldn’t be stranded at a better location than a Buc-ee’s, even if it’s in Texas. At least I have everything I need (waaay more than I could possibly need actually), the staff is friendly. I am safe.

I fight off the urge to swing to total disregard. I quiet the voices who quickly say “buck up, it’s no big deal, it’s only a slight inconvenience, what are you so upset about, of course this would happen, don’t even tell anyone, don’t make it a thing, don’t cry."

I soothe myself. I allow myself some little pleasures and decide to go in and make it a shopping spree, examining every ridiculous aisle and spend time just noodling around. I end up buying a bunch of trinkets for friends, a few fabulous pairs of sunglasses, and more over about 4 trips back and forth inside.

I call my wife and close friends and share in the anger, shock (like what car -Chevy Equinox- will allow you to drive 3hrs without keys!), and laughter for the journey and end up spending more of those hours moving through the moment with those I love and who love me. The sun sets and I walk behind the store and watch the full moon rise.

I’m at a place in my life where I do try to find the learning and lessons in all things that help me grow without ignoring the challenge or journey. It’s a bit addictive really, and so by the time the keys were dropped off I had gotten to a place of gratitude. A place where I can feel and see and experience bad things, shitty inconvenient things, painful things, deeply grieving things and lean into the love and connection and beauty in life to help get me through. It all exists in contradiction, we all hold contradiction all the time in life. So somehow in that moment at Buc-ee’s I found my place of purpose for the bigger picture, for the longer journey of this moment. I was lucky to be stranded at Buc-ee’s and to be reminded of the resources I have to keep me safe and sane, plus I got some really fabulous sunglasses.

I hope you are holding up ok and that those you love and who love you hold that place of reminder of the powerful force we are for each other as we face these coming years and life to come filled with contradictions.